Life Affirming Sex
by IShouldBeOverThis
Summary: Sometimes things don't go as well as one might hope.


They lean in tentatively…

S: Ow!

J: You moved!

S: I was _trying_ to kiss you!

J: _I_ was trying to kiss _you_!

S: Let's try again, slowly this time.

J: Ok.

S: Ah, mmmm.

J: Mmmm.

S: Brush teeth?

J: Think so, yes.

Five minty fresh minutes later.

J: Mmmm.

S: Mmmm.

J: Mmm, er, mmm, you're, you're squishing my nose.

S: You're nose is long!

J: Thanks for that. Can you tilt your head differently?

S: I always tilt my head this way when I kiss someone!"

J: Done it a lot, have you? You said…

S: Shut up.

J: Mmmmm.

S: Mmmmm

J: Urf…sqeezing…too tight…can't breathe.

S: Sorry, sorry.

J: Mmmm.

S: Better?

J: Yeah. Thanks.

S: Mmmm.

J: Mmmm.

S: Bedroom?

Backing, pushing, stumbling, tripping, bumping, crashing down hall into bedroom.

S: Mind the buttons.

J: Thought you wanted…

S: Yes, just don't…

J: Mmmm.

S: Mmmmm.

J: Wait, I can't…my hand's caught in my sleeve.

S: Do it yourself.

J: Probably better.

S: You're jeans are too tight, can't get the buttons…

J: Yes, fine, dinner was…

S: Mm.

J: Mmmm.

S: Oh, yes…

J: Your foot is caught on your shoe…

S: You should have taken them off first. I'll just…

J: Yeah…

One separate stripping and climbing on the bed later.

J: Mmmm.

S: Mmmm.

J: Ooo, like that…

S: Could you…?

J: What? Oh! Oh, yes.

Awkward readjusting on the bed.

J: Ahhhh.

S: Ow, mind your knee.

J: Well, just…there. Better?

S: Can you just…

J: Not really…

S: Ummm.

J: Ummm. Oh, that's good. Just like that. Ummm.

S: Ummm. Wait, don't thrust…can't…

J: Ummm. What? Oh, sorry.

S: Didn't realize you were so big.

J: That's a good thing, right?

S: Ummm.

J: Ummm.

S: Ummm.

J: Ummm.

J: Erm, Sherlock?

S: Ummmm?

J: I'm getting a crick in my neck.

Awkward rearranging.

S: Mmmm.

J: Mmmm.

S: MMMM.

J: MMM. Ahh…condoms, lube?

S: Top drawer.

S: Oof. Mind your weight.

J: I'm not finding…wait, got it. There's not much left.

S: Sorry. Been thinking of you.

J: Really? Mmmm. That's hot. Mmmm.

S: Mmmm.

J: Mmmm.

Squishy sound.

S: Easy!

J: Sorry. You said you'd been thinking…

S: With my hand! Not my fingers.

J: Ok, ok, just you know…want…

S: Yes…me too.

J: God, so tight.

S: Mmmm.

J: Mmmm.

S: Mmmm.

J: Mmmm. More?

S: Yes, I think…yes.

J: Ah…mmmm.

S: Mmmm…um, John, what are you…?

J: Trying to find…

S: Well, you're not.

J: Just wait, I'm a doctor, I can get…

S: Stop. Just…

J: Oh? Oh…but you've gone soft!

S: Well, I won't be if you just…!

J: Yes…mmmm.

S: Mmmm.

Fumbling.

J: Hand's slippery.

S: Give it to me.

J: Fine.

S: Here.

J: Ok, just…

S: Hurry.

J: Trying…there…

S: Mmmm.

J: Mmmmm.

S: That's not…

J: I know, I…

S: Ahh…

J: Ohhhh…

Cracking noise.

J: Was that your _knee_?

S: Yes. It happens.

J: You should have that checked out.

S: Not now.

J: No, but…

S: John!

J: Right, sorry. Just as a doctor…

S: …

J: Sorry. Mmmm.

S: Mmmm.

J: Mmmmm.

S: Mmmmm.

J: Mmmm.

S: Mmmm.

.

.

.

.

J: Oh, God, going to…

S: Wait…no…I'm not…

J: Trying…so tight…been so long…

S: CORPSES, AUTOPSIES, BACTERIA, MRS. HUDSON, MYCROFT, ANDERSON, _ANDERSON_!

J: Not working…unnnhhh…

S: Dammit! I wanted us to…

J: Sorry. Just give me…I'll…

S: Any lube left?

J: Not really. Spit?

S: Really?

J: Your choice.

S: You could…

J: What? Oh, ok, yes.

J: Mmmm.

S: Mmmm.

J: Ummm.

S: Oh, oh, nice.

J: Ummm.

S: Oh…yes…

J: Ummm. Could you not…

S: Sorry. Some people like…

J: Could we not talk about other…

S: Just…

J: Ummm

S: Ahhh…

J: Ummm.

S: Ohhhh.

.

.

.

.

J: Are you…? I could…

S: DON'T STOP!

J: It's just…

S: Close, so close…just a little more…

J: Ummm.

S: Oh, GOD!

J: Ummm…

S: Unh…

J: …

S: …

.

J: Do we have anything to drink?

S: No.

J: Ok. Towel?

S: No, not really thinking…tonight…you know…

J: Yeah. I'll be right back.

Four minutes later.

J: Water?

S: Yes.

S: Ugh…glurg…

S: I better…myself…spilling…

J: Sorry.

S: ...

J: Mmmm.

S: Mmmm.

J: Good?

S: Ye-es…

J: Next time…

S: Yes…

S: You?

J: Amazing. You're amazing. I can't believe we…

S: I know.

J: Mmmmm. Mmmmm.

S: Mmmmm. Mmmm.

Shifting on bed.

S: Ooo…wet…

J: Towel?

S: Thanks.

Shifting, snuggling.

S: Ah…John…

J: Ah…nice.

S: …

J: …

J: Phht…you're hair…could you…?

Wriggling

J: …

S: …

S: My feet are hanging off the bed.

J: Curl up. I've got you. Oof, mind where you put your knee, my…

S: Sorry. There ok?

J: Yeah.

S: …

J: …

.

.

.

J: Sherlock?

J: Sherlock? My arm's going to sleep.

S: Unh? What? Oh…

Rolling around.

S: Ah.

J: …

.

J: I can't…like this, my knees don't…

S: Oh, right, you're short.

J: No, you're tall. Other way?

S: Ok.

Rolling.

S: Better?

J: Yeah, that's nice. It's nice.

S: …

J: …

J: Sherlock?

S: Mm?

J: It was perfect.

S: Yes, it was.


End file.
